Someone once told me, if you aspire to be a good coach,mentor,teacher,leader, you MUST have LOVE( not necessarily the romantic kind) in your heart. As the Beatles once proclaimed,"All you need is love", you ( me too) must have unconditional positive regard for those under our guidance. If this is not true for you, try another road. Effective leadership is all about caring, respectfulness,trust and service. I refer to such leadership as Wu Shi, from the Chinese, "the Warrior Spirit", OR The Path of Heart, one that has a clear sense of "emotional engagement". I am talking about the power to influence and inspire, not the power over others in an authoritative way, old school leadership and coaching. It is only in this way can we ever hope to create and cultivate in others, peak capacities and limitless possibilities. Such leaders,lead with their hearts not heads( EGO) as they guide others to learn from failure, take necessary risks( see my Blog on Risk taking), push past perceived personal parameters( say that fast 10X), encourage progress and inspire them to AWAKEN( caps intended) to higher and more satisfying levels of performance...IN AN EMOTIONALLY SAFE ENVIRONMENT. Interesting side note...most coaches crave mental toughness in their athletes AND such cravings proliferate in emotionally safe places where there is much love. You don't win tough competitions with talent. You win tough games/events by being tough and THAT toughness comes when there is LOVE all around. When I feel safe,respected and cared for, I will lick the dust off the basketball court if asked, and I will go the distance,all out, relentless...so darn mentally tough that I begin to annoy my opponent. I become a huge pest. I believe we all do under the right environment of love.
In addition to this toughness factor, environments where love proliferates are filled with DISCIPLINE. When athletes have love, they refuse to let their team and staff down and this is what creates discipline in that sacred environment.
Now, how do you demonstrate this intangible yet "feeling" concept of LOVE? I have many ideas that stand the test of time. Attend to the deepness of COMMITMENT. By this I mean, talk about how to nurture the commitment with athletes to each other. Then there is the commitment between coaches themselves . Then there is commitment between coach and athlete and vice versa. Such commitment is aided by GIVING to others... giving your trust, respect, selflessness, integrity, and work ethic. Giving is, in my opinion, one of the more powerful expressions of LOVE. So we have Love which brings about Giving that then leads to Commitment. According to the late and great Martin Luther King, the most important question one can ask in life is:"what am I doing for others?". How can I give vs. how can I get is a nice focusing statement to keep you on track. And remember this truth: you may think you have a lot but if you are without love, you have nothing.
I suggest that you may want to try the RULE OF ONE: one athlete, one positive comment, one day at a time. Of course when you do this, it becomes contagious and you wont be able to stop like any habit. And you will see the results. You may say:" Hey Britt, I love the way you show up ready to play each practice. You really set a terrific tone for this team". That will last for at least three weeks when it will be time to begin again. Try this: send an email or leave a note in a locker telling another how in awe you are of him/her. Tell the group/team how fortunate you are to be part of their amazing lives. But most of all, always, every day, hour,minute, treat those you lead with respect,kindness and take good care of them. Be firm and set boundaries where and when needed BUT always do it in the spirit of the Warrior, just the same way that YOU love to be loved. When that happens, others will follow you to the end of the Earth and jump from a cliff and build their wings on the way down. ( a concept I latched on to from author Ray Bradbury).
While this may be a "sea change " for some of us, it is simple yet powerful. John Wooden, former coach of the UCLA Bruins basketball( I probably didn't need to even say this) when asked why he was so darn successful, he quipped "There was a lot of LOVE in my coaching". No Love...No Leadership. Next time I write on this subject I will address the concept of SERVICE: To Lead is to Serve.
How is what you read relevant to your life? How does it relate to what you are trying to accomplish?
Come back again soon...I'm on a roll of sorts. Let me know your thoughts on these blogs.
Ciao for now with Tao, DocJ
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