LISTENING WITH OPEN HEART

 Here is an excerpt from Win The Day... it's perhaps the most important skill to have not just as a leader, coach, athlete but as a person in all relationships of life. I practice listening by asking a lot of questions. When another responds to these questions,. I listen and then validate their response when possible.

Be a good listener; it makes the person who’s speaking to you feel loved, cared for and worthy of being heard.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, Author

Coach Cindy Timchall, iconic coach of NAVY women’s lacrosse, believes that listening more than any other coaching skill is what inspires and empowers her athletes. According to her, it’s the most powerful tool to demonstrate caring for athletes.

In a recent interview with sports psychologist Greg Dale, Coach Mike Krzyzewski mentions how he believes “you show someone you care about them by being willing to listen to them. There is no better way.” He goes on to state that “there couldn’t be any time better spent than listening” to your athletes, staff, family and friends. When we listen with an open heart, we win the day.

It has been said that he who listens with an open heart understands. Listening is one of the most crucial skills a coach can develop. Because so many of us feel that we need to talk in order to teach, listening is often overlooked. What I have observed over the years is that the very popular, well-liked coaches as we read about above are, indeed, good listeners.

John Wooden was a good listener. In his words, “listen to those under your supervision. Really listen. Don’t act as though you’re listening and let go in one ear and out the other.” It has been observed that three out of four leaders and coaches will interrupt their staff and athletes on average, within 15 seconds of the start of a conversation. Such a practice precludes you from truly learning from others what you need to know in order to do your best work. How can you build a strong relationship in this way?

Listening is an extraordinary way to demonstrate caring, respect, love and integrity. Learning and teaching are more easily and joyfully exchanged through good listening as well. It is a way to make the athlete feel wanted, valued, worthwhile, and understood. Isn’t this exactly what all coaches desire for their athletes? Those we lead feel the same way. And what better tool to use in order to develop solid relationships...and, therefore, win the day.

ABOUT WIN THE DAY

 Here is a short excerpt form a long Foreword by Coach Steve Kerr, NBA Warriors, about my book called WIN THE DAY.  I'm hoping that you are able to read out and if not, at least read excerpts from my blog about it because I want you to experience, joy, compassion, mindfulness and much success with your career as a coach. Thanks for reading my BlogSite.

WIN THE DAY, written by Dr. Jerry Lynch. It is a book about the power of connection, caring and core values in a successful team culture, much like that of the Golden State Warriors. It is a book that will help you to create, model and sustain what championship teams like the Seahawks and Warriors do on a daily basis. Through our conversations, texts and emails, Jerry has helped me to pass on the “win the day” philosophy in our Warrior culture. To achieve success in sports, I believe a team’s culture has to be connective, caring and authentic, one way or another. It must come from the heart and soul of the coach and the athletes. Jerry captures that important dynamic perfectly in WIN THE DAY, his seminal project in a long, distinguished career in sports, and helps you to implement its guiding principles.

Jerry has written 14 books and aided over 115 championship teams in 30 years of culture work at the Pro, College and High School levels. I first met him during my playing days with the Chicago Bulls through our mutual friend and coach, Phil Jackson. Jerry’s books, THINKING BODY, DANCING MIND and THE WAY OF THE CHAMPION were an inspiration to me during my playing days and now valued by me as a coach. And Jerry continues to inspire me with his latest work, as I advance my coaching skills and career, trying to make the best possible connection and demonstrate caring with my players which helps them achieve their ultimate individual and collective greatness. WIN THE DAY is a book that every coach, athlete, CEO and leader in any aspect of life should read to understand how to best build a “win the day” culture for a team’s ultimate success.

 The cover to this book appears on my 11/13 post

  

KEEPING AN OPEN ZEN MIND

 In my upcoming book, The Competitive Buddha, there is a section filled with Zen stories that will help up your game in sports, leadership and life. Here is one of my favorites, A CUP OF TEA.

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!”

“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

The lesson from this story is about the importance of being open-minded. How and why is this relevant to sports and your life?

Perhaps you have a different interpretation on that story. Why and how is that relevant to you?

ONE WORD FOR SUCCESSFUL LEADERSHIP

 I have been studying, writing and practicing how to be a more effective leader, coach and mentor for 45 years. All the work I've done boils it down to ONE WORD. In my book WIN THE DAY, I go into detail on what that is and how to implement it EASILY Here is an excerpt from that section without the implementation.

Coach Cindy Timchall, iconic coach of NAVY women’s lacrosse, believes that listening more than any other coaching skill is what inspires and empowers her athletes. According to her, it’s the most powerful tool to demonstrate caring for athletes.

In a recent interview with sports psychologist Greg Dale, Coach Mike Krzyzewski mentions how he believes “you show someone you care about them by being willing to listen to them. There is no better way.” He goes on to state that “there couldn’t be any time better spent than listening” to your athletes, staff, family and friends. When we listen with an open heart, we win the day.

It has been said that he who listens with an open heart understands. Listening is one of the most crucial skills a coach can develop. Because so many of us feel that we need to talk in order to teach, listening is often overlooked. What I have observed over the years is that the very popular, well-liked coaches as we read about above are, indeed, good listeners.

John Wooden was a good listener. In his words, “listen to those under your supervision. Really listen. Don’t act as though you’re listening and let go in one ear and out the other.” It has been observed that three out of four leaders and coaches will interrupt their staff and athletes on average, within 15 seconds of the start of a conversation. Such a practice precludes you from truly learning from others what you need to know in order to do your best work. How can you build a strong relationship in this way?

Listening is an extraordinary way to demonstrate caring, respect, love and integrity. Learning and teaching are more easily and joyfully exchanged through good listening as well. It is a way to make the athlete feel wanted, valued, worthwhile, and understood. Isn’t this exactly what all coaches desire for their athletes? Those we lead feel the same way. And what better tool to use in order to develop solid relationships...and, therefore, win the day. These days, I am making a habit of listening 75% of the time I talk with others. The results are astonishing. Try it!!!

WHAT RISES WILL FALL

 Here is a segment from THE COMPETITIVE BUDDHA on Impermanence. This is especially important because ALL things will change...that is the only constant in life. See if this matters to you right now, amid all that is happening with COVID and an election.

It is not impermanence that makes us suffer.
What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.

Thich Nhat Hanh

There is only one constant in life and that is, change will happen. The seasons of the year, the cycle of weather, the journey of life and death, the rising of the sun, the setting of the moon. Impermanence is a fact of life. Many practitioners understand such changes as the cornerstone of Buddhist teachings. Nothing lasts and our futile attempts to hold onto things is the root of much suffering. The wisdom of Buddhist thought suggests that “impermanence is inescapable; all things vanish. Time, itself, is impermanent.”

In my life, I have experienced sadness and loss yet in time, these periods change into joy and gain only to return back to sadness and loss once again. Life fluctuates. The Buddha reminds me that life is ten thousand joys, ten thousand sorrows for all of us. Nothing is endless bliss or joy. There is social injustice and simple struggle with how unfair life seems to be. My tears due to the loss of a friend or a defeat in the sports arena, searing as it may be, is the by-product of deep love. All loss and challenging change in life deepens my ability to connect with passion and love.

Notice how this discussion is so very relevant to your experience in athletics. I remember the joy, excitement and bliss of being intimately involved in the seven consecutive women’s lacrosse championships at the University of Maryland. The athletes, coaches and myself thought we’d never lose. Then it happened; several years of not hoisting the trophy. We were in a state of shock and disbelief thinking our streak would never end. The program has come full circle and these days the Terps are back on top winning championships with regularity once again. This, too, will change.

Such swings from dominance to mediocrity or irrelevancy is just the way it is in sports. Who remembers the dominating Boston Celtics of the 1950’s-1960’s? Most recently, the Golden State Warriors have gone from perennial champions to having close to the worst record in the NBA.

Because of his Buddhist childhood, Tiger Woods understands the impermanence of success. After years of being at the top, he now struggles to get a victory. What goes up must come down.

I have been grappling recently with the decline of my running speed. People pass me on the hills where that never happened before. I’m experiencing the cycle of age and diminishing physical capability. While it’s not easy, I do realize this is the never-ending swing of life and performance. Nothing lasts forever including high times or low. The key is to appreciate every day what we have, knowing this too will change. The competitive Buddha is well aware of this.

When you take a good look at your world of athletics, there is nothing to cling to. Your grasping to hold on to results and outcomes is continually challenged.

Athletics, like life, is a continually moving pendulum, a never-ending process constantly recycling itself as it gains eternal life. If you don’t like a situation, know that, in time, it will change. All you can do at any moment is focus not upon what’s changed but on what you have and how you will make the most of that, doing the best you can to get the most out of your experience. Discover the gem inside the darkness.

By embracing impermanence profoundly, you become free and liberated. This entails letting go, not of your efforts, work ethic or your wish to master your craft, but of the constant change and impermanence of life and your desperate need to control it all. Buddhist teacher Ajahn Chah reminds us, “if you let go a little, you’ll have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you’ll have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you’ll have complete peace.”

In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?

Buddhist Thought

GREATEST SUCCESS STRATEGY EVER

 In my book, WIN THE DAY, I go into great detail about the POWER OF LOVE, the greatest success strategy ever. Here is a short excerpt from that section. I also give it some attention in my THE COMPETITIVE BUDDHA because it's THAT IMPORTANT. As Coach Phil Jackson once said, it is the one aspect to a championship team that without which, no championships happen. I use this in my leadership with astounding results. 

I was told by another coach that love is not a commodity; it’s a capacity. I took this to mean that love is the capacity to connect and care. At my annual transformative coaching conferences, I offer coaches simple yet powerful ways to connect and care and love. I tell them to fight for the athletes’ heart. To do this, I suggest they catch the athletes doing something right.

Jen Cook, past Lacrosse coach at UNC,Carolina, blew her whistle every time one of the girls made a mistake. Jen was getting nowhere with this player. When I gave her this new strategy, she implemented it for three days. On the fourth day, as she entered her office she was greeted with a bouquet of roses with a note: “Thanks coach. These last few days have been the best days at practice in three years.” This athlete transformed before our eyes because of the love she felt each day from her coach who now coached with a “whistle of love.” She won the day.

Another suggestion I often make is asking others to liberally use my “Oneness Rule.” Simply implemented, you and your staff choose one

athlete, give them one positive comment and do this one day at a time. It’s infectious and I notice that everyone who tries this can’t stop at one. They break the code.

In this electronic age, I find it effective to use my devices to email or text my teams and individual athletes about something positive that I notice. I do this regularly and I usually get lots of love in return.

Finally, for now, try the magic acronym, L.U.V. (love) to win the hearts of your athletes. L is for listen, the most powerful skill in your leadership toolbox. U is for understanding by asking questions that show interest in others as people. V is to validate when their responses to your questions are statements demonstrating positive reactions and commendable thoughts and ideas.

Sun-Tzu, in his ancient classic THE ART OF WAR, emphasizes the importance of love for success. He strongly encourages Taoist leaders and generals to take care of the troops as they would take care of a child who was loved. He says that by loving others, the chances of victory are greatly enhanced.

Mother Teresa’s words on the value of love say it all: “When we come face to face with God, we are going to be judged on how much we loved.” And how often we won the day.

Now, I leave you with some refreshing new thoughts about love from my last conversation with Missy Foote, the iconic Middlebury College women’s lacrosse coach and winner of four national championships; this is so beautifully stated:

“It’s really all about LOVE, isn’t it? for many years I carried with me in my coaching clipboard (and now in my wallet) a printed, laminated copy of the Irish proverb, ‘It is in the shelter of each other that the people live’ to remind me that our love shelters our family and friends. As a coach and a servant leader my obligation was to help a group of individuals come together to be the best they could be. It wasn’t until I realized however that the ONLY way to help people reach their potential was through love and compassion that I became a better coach. I hope my players feel that I loved them because I did.”

THE PATH OF MASTERY

 Here is a new excerpt from THE COMPETITIVE BUDDHA. It sets the stage for all performance in athletics and life.

There is no path to mastery; mastery is the path. It is a state of mind achieved through a consistent day-by-day lifestyle of high-level, intentional practice of your sport or other activity. In Buddhist teaching, practice is the way of mastery. This path is often a thousand miles or more but it begins with a single, high-quality first step called intentional preparation. Focusing on this single act alone is considered mastery. And that movement is repeated over and over and over until you feel it is time to move ahead.

Practice as if you are preparing for the national championship or perhaps an important talk or presentation. Prepare as if it were your last chance to prove your level of competency. It takes courage to prepare consistently in practice with game time mastery and intensity. The Buddha Brain and Mamba Mind will help you to achieve this.

Mastery means “time in the saddle,” a consistent, gradual, continual and intentional preparation. It is a principle easily learned. I have prepared well to write this book by diligently exercising my Buddha Brain and Mamba Mind for thousands of hours over a thirty-year span. However, this can only be accomplished when there is love, passion and joy for the work you do. Kobe had this in his life. Mastery in all of life is only possible when these three heart-felt values are present. When they are, the sky's the only limit and you experience mastery.

PERSISTENCE ZEN

 In my next book, The Competitive Buddha, There is a whole section on insightful, inspirational ZEN

stories to help up your game and live accordingly. Here is one of my favorites:

Storyteller’s Zen

Encho was a famous storyteller. His tales of love stirred the hearts of his listeners. When he narrated a story of war, it was as if the listeners themselves were on the field of battle.

One day Encho met Yamaoka Tesshu, a layman who had almost embraced masterhood in Zen. “I understand,” said Yamaoka, “you are the best storyteller in our land and that you make people cry or laugh at will. Tell me my favorite story of the Peach Boy. When I was a little tot I used to sleep beside my mother, and she often related this legend. In the middle of the story I would fall asleep. Tell it to mejust as my mother did.”

Encho dared not attempt to do this. He requested time to study. Several months later he went to Yamaoka and said: “Please give me the opportunity to tell you the story.”

“Some other day,” answered Yamaoka.
Encho was keenly disappointed. He studied further and tried again.

Yamaoka rejected him many times. When Encho would start to talk Yamaoka would stop him, saying: “You are not yet like my mother.”

It took Encho five years to be able to tell Yamaoka the legend as his mother had told it to him.

In this way, Yamaoka imparted Zen to Encho.

The lesson here is about persistence, faith and perseverance. To do things well, you must diligently practice and know that it takes much time and frustration to reach mastery.

Why and how this is relevant is quite obvious, don’t you think?

FEELINGS = FUNCTION

 Here is the start of how I  win the relationship game in athletics and in my life. It will be a series of Blogs starting right here. This is from my book, WIN THE DAY. 

Most coaches and teachers believe that what they say and do is what really matters to others. Perhaps we all would be wiser if we focused on caring and helping others feel awesome. And why not? Every book I’ve read or written, every class or conference I’ve ever taken, every championship team I’ve ever helped has taught me a life-changing truth: Feelings = Function. How we as human beings perform is directly related to how we feel. Think about it: The last time you felt tired, sad, depressed, distracted, confused, upset, insecure, stressed, uncertain or miserable, how did you perform? Think about those moments when you felt confident, energized, focused, happy, grateful, valued, respected, relevant, relaxed and calm. No comparison, right? Creating environments where others feel good is how to win the day.

One of the first essential absolutes present in all championship cultures is the emphasis on how athletes and coaches feel and care for each other. To win the day, we must commit to helping others feel welcome, feel present and feel cared for – caring being the single most important element of a winning culture. And, as coaches and athletes we are able to make others feel good. It is controllable.

IMPLEMENTATION:

How can we best demonstrate our caring for each other? It’s not about connecting my professional coaching head to your head. It’s about connecting my human heart to your human heart to show how much I care for you. Let me help you to feel this.

To connect my heart to yours, I imagine that I open the little door to my heart and become mindful of how I care for you. This “open door” policy reminds me to be caring, genuine, authentic and vulnerable. I can then tell you, as I did in the section on Power of Influence: “I love being with you. There’s not another team (person) I’d rather be with than you right now.” How does that make you feel? How do you think your athletes would feel if they heard this? Have you ever said this to an athlete? Why not? To not do this, there’s a chance you could lose them. To do it, you increase thechance of getting your team to go the distance, to work harder, to be loyal, become mentally tougher and win the day. Performance on and off the court is all about feelings...how you feel is how you’ll perform. It’s really quite simple. When you care for your athletes like this you are winning the day. In the words of actor Edward Albert, “The simple act of caring is heroic.”

How you impact another as to how they feel can be determined by what I call the R.I.V.E.R. effect. What this is and how it works will be looked at in the next BLOG called the River Effect. Stay tuned.

SPORTS CULTURE WISDOM

 My book, WIN THE DAY, is all about how 12 Hall of Fame coaches built and sustained championship team cultures. It is filled with all their stories and the strategies they used and how to implement them. The book is the essence of my work, a seminal piece that guides me when connected with sports programs. 

Over the past 30 years, I have had the honor of being an intimate part of 115 championship teams that drove and sustained success. For me, the road was rocky at times with moments of doubt but I never lost confidence in the teaching and implementation of those solid standards that I believed would create and sustain a great team, an extraordinary organization regardless of the scoreboard. These were teams where standards were high and fear was low.

Whether you know it or not, you have a team culture. Not being aware of this is to run the risk of leaving its proper development to chance. Notice what works and what doesn’t. Like coach Steve Kerr in the Foreword, ask yourself what you value most. What are the overt important values to you, personally, in your life? Narrow them down to the best four that represent you as a human being. What matters to you as a person? Then help your

team to live these values each day. (See section on Core Values). Your success depends on your observation of these inner values. Sustained success is intentional and begins with walking the talk. Connecting, setting standards, boundaries, values and direction help the athletes to be aligned – on the same page. Teams that win the day do so by connection, caring and executing their core values. When this happens, morale is high, commitment is strong, behaviors are congruent, integrity is demonstrated, goals are more easily attainable, connection is palpable, work ethic is solid, loyalty is apparent and enthusiasm, excitement, caring and inspiration are experienced. When a culture is solid and safe, everyone wins the day. When you win the day, adhering to the cultural champion process which dictates the way you live and compete, it positions everyone for positive outcomes and results. The essence of a good culture is in how it demonstrates connection which drives and sustains success. It is a daily process and controllable. It is the standard by which we set the tone that helps to win the day. It is the driving force that embodies a sense of toughness, courage, passion and attitude that helps rise above obstacles when they appear.

Whether winning a championship or not, every team that adopted the core values that I taught plus those they chose and developed, lived, played, practiced and competed like champions. This is the essence of WIN THE DAY. It was their culture; it was how they, the coaches, athletes and everyone involved with the program from top to bottom, did things together, connected to each other, that led them to believing they could do and be something other than ordinary...and they did and they were. In a phrase, the connection in their culture enabled them to win the day.

POWER OF INFLUENCE

 Here is a segment of my best seller, WIN THE DAY, that emphasizes the importance of connection and caring with those under your guidance as a coach, mentor, parent, teacher. See if it resonates with you. Take to heart, how to implement this concept.

 "The greatness of a man is not how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively." Bob Marley

Perhaps the most challenging task of any coach is how to influence those they lead in a positive, forward moving manner. It is simple yet not easy; your influence can create or it can destroy; it can light a fire in an athlete’s belly or it can douse the flames. Understand this: your influence is powerful yet never neutral. I am always aware of this when I compete, speak, teach, mentor, parent, or coach. My body language, my tone, my expressions, my gestures, my words all have an impact on how things transpire. So does my behavior. One of my favorite things to do when I meet a team is to run up a hull together. By so doing, I demonstrate my willingness to experience what they do in training. I am leading by example using powerful influence I knowingly have. Ancient generals were considered influential because they were willing to experience the same heat, cold, toil, hunger, thirst and danger as their soldiers and were respected and admired because of this influential behavior.

When I enter a room full of coaches and athletes, I walk with a bounce, stand straight, keep my head up, look others in the eye and smile. The message I’m sending is “things are under control, all is fine, it’s all ok.” As a coach, the more often you become aware of the power of your influence, the more you have a say in the outcome, the direction athletes will go, what they do, and how they feel. It is that simple. When I am coaching one of my teams I usually begin the sessions by inviting the athletes to“huddle up” close, forming a tight series of concentric circles (assuming there are 25 or so athletes on the team) around me. This communicates togetherness, kindness, oneness, connectedness, and, most importantly, a sense of goodness. Then I say the following: “I love being here; I love being with you. There’s not another place I’d rather be or another group of athletes I’d rather be with in this moment than with you.” This spoken truth is visibly felt deeply by the entire group. They truly believe I care and I do. I often will touch a shoulder and establish good eye contact with one person. Being aware of this power to influence others is to win the day. The athletes love it. We then go back to where we were, sitting, standing, milling around and I have their full, undivided, respectful attention. By doing this, I set a positive, heart-directed caring tone for all the good work we will then do together.

IMPLEMENTATION:

When back into our circle, I love to involve them in a powerful influential experience with their smart phones. I ask everyone to chose someone they deeply care about and text them a short message expressing your care, love and how important and valued they are to you. Once completed, I instruct them to turn off their devices for the next hour, giving them time to receive a response. When the time is up, we go back to this exercise, turn phones on and share the responses. Some are quite funny and even strange but they all tell a story about the power we have to influence others in a positive way. Sometimes tears of joy are noticeable and laughter is hardy yet the caring and influences are remarkable. Try this with your group, then have them communicate like this with each other, telling someone how important and valued they are to you and the team. Something else you can try with your team is to ask the following questions:

1. What do you need to start doing that you’re not doing in order to demonstrate the power of your influence in a positive way?

2. What do you need to stop doing that you are doing in order to demonstrate the power of your influence in a positive way?

   The answers to these questions will provide information valuable in helping the athletes and staff to create positive shifts in the win the day culture. In fact, I inform the team that when we demonstrate such caring, positive action we actually do win the day.

If he were alive today, I’m certain that Bob Marley would have said the words in the opening quote.

WAY OF THE TIGER

Here is another excerpt from my coming book ( Spring,2021) THE COMPETITIVE BUDDHA.

 Tiger Woods was born and raised in the tradition of Buddhism and outwardly has claimed that his understanding of the Buddha has been the secret to his golfing success. From a very young age his ability to focus and concentrate were instilled by his Thai Buddhist mom, Tida. Supposedly, Tiger slept near a statue of Buddha growing up and even wore a Buddha necklace.

The Buddha Tiger was able to manage all performance anxiety and fear and establish a positive sense of self and peace as if he were a Buddhist monk walking the fairways. It has been said that every facet of his dominance could be traced to his solid Buddhist education. From tee box to hole, his mental and spiritual talents are palpably apparent as he demonstrates the “relaxed intensity” of the Buddha himself.

Meditation is a way to develop awareness, kindness, focus and wisdom, was and continues to be an important part of his game and life, particularly during those challenging times when his life unraveled because of his serial infidelity leading to his divorce. Buddhism helped him to pick up the pieces amid all the pain and he made a public apology admitting that he had lost his deep connection to his Buddhist way. Yet this up and down path is all part of the Buddha way which always included new beginnings after setbacks, whether it be a missed putt, a missed opportunity or a missed relationship. The lesson for Tiger was to repent and ask for forgiveness and then start again. And so he did as he brilliantly does after every flub on the fairway.

In the penetrating, profound book called TIGER VIRTUES, Alex Tresniowski writes about Tiger’s strong connection to Buddhist wisdom and how relevant it has been with every single shot. In this book, he details deep spiritual principles of being present, being prepared, the impermanence of success, tenacity, effort, patience, fearlessness, humility, intuition, balance, vision, adaptability andinner stillness and how all of these virtues impacted the athleticism of Tiger...The Way of the Tiger.

Yet the most impactful virtue was the virtue of positive thinking. Buddhist thought suggests that our lives are shaped by our minds...we are what we think. Tiger would examine his short-comings and change the narrative making it a more proactive, positive, forward-moving story. At one point in this book, the author generously quotes me from my best-seller THINKING BODY, DANCING MIND,where I say “the words you choose to cultivate in yourself as an athlete will determine your identity and beliefs about yourself...so hopefully those words are positive.” Tiger’s positive thinking manifests itself both during a round and afterwards.

The competitive way of this Tiger is through a positive mind, a beginner’s mind, the non-judgmental mind of a Buddha. But know this – while Tiger was not able to always think positively, he was able to do it at a higher percentage of time

than most of us. He simply refuses to beat himself up. When asked by a reporter what qualities he didn’t like about himself, he responded that he didn’t know...I am constantly evolving.” Tiger is the quintessential Buddha athlete.

THE RELATIONSHIP GAME AND LEADING WITH HEART

 

Here is a new excerpt from my next book, THE COMPETITIVE BUDDHA, on that is aligned with Mindful Leadership the Buddha way. 

Regard your athletes as your children, and they may follow wherever you lead. Look upon them as your beloved sons and daughters and they will stand by you until death.

Sun-Tzu, The Art of War

For the past few decades, I have learned and honed my leadership wisdom from the best of the best in the coaching world. To name a few, there is Dean Smith, Steve Kerr, Pete Carroll, Phil Jackson, Anson Dorrance, Bill Walsh, John Wooden, Cindy Timchal, Pat Summitt, and Tara VanDerveer. What I notice is how much they honor, respect and promote very similar leadership styles as the Buddha, using a more heart filled approach to their leadership. These coaches, like the Buddha, are fiercely authentic, vulnerable, courageous risk takers, pensive listeners, flexible, adaptable and balanced in life and spiritually awake. They lead by example not by coercion. How would it be if leaders of this country employed such methodology?

Another such coach is Quin Snyder, head coach of the NBA Utah Jazz. On a recent Way of Champions podcast, we were conversing about how Quin is the master of the relationship game, getting his athletes to work hard, be loyal and go the distance in practice and games alike. We affirmed his talents with this aspect of leadership. That night his team was competing in a very tough game against the Boston Celtics in Boston. The Jazz were outstanding in their victory. The next morning, I received an interesting text from Quin: “I think the uplifting podcast spilled over to our team.” Yes, it did, I said. When we are reminded about the ingredients of a healthy relationship game, we tend to bring these traits to our work with those we lead and coach.

Over time, I have been witness to a virtual sea change, a huge paradigm shift taking place in the profession of coaching; athletes are demanding positive relationship change with their leaders. Such an historic shift tells me that those being coached are seeking a change of heart from those doing the coaching to a more dynamic, multifaceted approach. Still interested in the necessity of developing and learning the essential skills, tactics, and strategies of their sport, the athletes also seem to desire being taught this knowledge in environments that are marinated in respect, trust, love, compassion, and integrity. In other words, while they care about what you know as their coach (X’s and O’s), they also want to know that you care (inspire and empower). In a sense, they are asking their leaders to “dance” with a mindful noble heart. Coaches who are successful in sport are beginning to realize that they need to win the “relationship game” and when that happens, the athletic game takes care of itself. What they are discovering, much like the Buddha path, is that coaching is ultimately a “path of the heart,” arelationship dance between athlete and coach, and the counterpart dance between teaching the athletes skill-sets for optimal performance coupled with the wisdom of inspiration that empowers the athletes to discover their greatness in sports and life.

To be the mindful Buddha coach, mentor, leader and teacher, you must be a good student and learn what needs to be known from the student (the athlete) in order to teach them what they must learn. In this dancing relationship, each individual is interdependent – forming a bond of equal fulfillment, love, and respect in a harmonious atmosphere of openness, communication, and loyalty. Each person involved in this mutually beneficial dance genuinely experiences the gifts each has to offer. This fluid, rhythmic, flowing, and dancing union between coach and athlete, serving and sharing together for the greater good of all, is an extraordinary process to behold. It is the cornerstone of the awakened noble heart leader. True learning and development take place in all arenas of life when giving and receiving are intrinsic to each member of the relationship. When you feel relevant, important, valued, respected and empowered, you will go the distance, be loyal and mentally strong.

Extraordinary Buddha leadership and coaching involves a devotion of the coach’s time and energy to performance management, strategic planning, and a myriad of other “X’s and O’s” preparatory exercises. While these aspects of leadership are absolutely essential to the coaching piece, there is the need for a union that enables you to inspire and empower those being led. Herein lies the essence of mindful Buddha leadership.

The challenge at this point is for all of us to discover ways to create safe environments and develop mindful relationships with heart, where we as leaders, can perfect the Buddha qualities of love, inspiration, compassion, respect, understanding, and integrity while helping concurrently to develop the skill sets so necessary to perform the tasks at hand. When we influence our athletes in this way, they feel valued and perform more optimally in an encouraging environment, free of fear and intimidation. With an increase of love, compassion, and spirituality, people become happy, trust and respect deepen, and the results and outcomes are greatly enhanced. Simply stated, when we develop relationships like this, those we lead are more joyful, cooperative, and happy and therefore work harder; when anyone works harder, results and outcomes usually improve.

Additionally, athletes in such environments will begin to prepare, practice, play, compete, and live with heart themselves. Your coaching becomes the model used by all those under your guidance for their own personal leadership on and off the field.

The mindful Buddha coach leads by example and attitude. The Buddhist way is one of coaching by guiding rather than forcing others to comply, building resentment and rebellion; better to create environments of loyalty, trust, respect, and cooperation where resistance and counterforce are virtually eliminated, while instilling a strong sense of personal power in those you lead. You will discover that by being such a heart-directed leader, you will empower others and, simultaneously, gain power yourself. Like electricity, the more energy and love you conduct, the more you receive. In truth, you never need to display power. Others just feel and respect it because such an extraordinary leader radiates and emanates personal power. The principles, wisdom, and overall lessons of the Buddha will guide you to develop a more athlete-centered approach for those under your guidance, thus helping you to master the art of highly effective, enlightened, and extraordinary leadership. My book, THE COMPETITIVE BUDDHA, will give you a complete look at how you can develop such leadership.

KAIZEN IN SPORTS

 Here is yet another excerpt on my forthcoming book, THE COMPETITIVE BUDDHA,which will arrive in Spring 2021.  

My most recent experience introducing my competitive Buddha approach to inspire leadership, spirituality and mastery in athletics was with a men’s professional soccer team. The San Jose Earthquakes finished dead last in the MLS (Major League Soccer) in 2018. Prior to the start of the 2019 season, the Quakes hired me to assist in the building of a strong, connective champion sports culture as their psychologist and spiritual advisor.

To facilitate this task, I sat with the coaching staff and management to explain the Japanese concept of KAIZEN, the essential element of Japan’s spiritual competitive success and now recognized world-wide as an absolute necessity in sports, business and life. Kaizen is about small, gradual, incremental improvement in a safe, cooperative, connected, caring environment where everyone does their share while fulfilling their role. I convinced them that change takes time and with patience and persistence, we all win, we all gain and we all experience something miraculous. After all, the Japanese rebuilt their entire culture from complete devastation after WWII to become a world leader in most industries. Why are we any different, I reminded them, wanting to come back from being a cellar dweller. I also reminded them that iconic Hall of Fame coaches like Bill Walsh, Pete Carroll, Steve Kerr, Brad Stevens and Anson Dorrance were very much aligned with this special concept of Kaizen in their competitive cultures.

With this as a foundational, solid action plan, we moved head. We helped the athletes to become competitive Buddhas by being connected, more selfless, to let go of outcomes and focus on process, to empower and inspire each other and be transparent and genuine. With most of the season completed, we were just two points from being in fifth place out of 24 teams. When the season finished, we had amassed more than three times the victories than the previous season, using competitive Buddha principles and wisdom.

BUDDHA SPORTS IN ACTION

 

    While many know me as a sports psychologist and certainly I use much from that approach, most of those 115 championship teams I've helped I did so with sports spirituality and philosophy. Here is a perfect example at the college level although I use same approach with H.S. and Pro athletes.

MARYLAND WOMEN LACROSSE WARRIORS:

Lacrosse is a sport with deep, sacred, spiritual roots. It is so much more than an athletic game. Its legendary beginnings can be traced to the Native American culture with its connection to the great spirit and is highly recognized as a ceremonial event. As a gift from the creator, it is a sport that is meant to teach the athlete the value of community, family, teamwork, working together for each other and the greater good while releasing tension and stress with positive energy, enriching the lives of the entire community. Symbolically, the stick used to play the game is referred to as “the cross”. When one dies, tradition says that you get buried with the stick because then you can play in heaven. Thunder is the sound of a lacrosse game in progress, or so it was believed.

In 1995 head coach, Cindy Timchal of the Maryland women’s lacrosse team reached out to me after reading my best-selling book THINKING BODY, DANCING MIND, to ask if I would bring my spirituality of sport message to her team. I couldn’t refuse and that became the start of a 25-year relationship that continues to this day. Using Buddhist, Taoist and Native American tradition, coupled with western psychology, we managed to master our game on the road of winning seven consecutive national championships, a record that has never been broken. And, may I add that the coaching staff of Cindy Timchal and legendary Gary Gait made it all possible by implementing the competitive spiritual principles that I taught.

My first act to help this storied program was to introduce everyone to the Buddhist Vipassana tradition of mindful meditation. The athletes became dedicated to become astronauts of inner space. You see, mindfulness (and we’ll dive into this in Part Three) is simply being consciously aware of the present moment, our thoughts and actions to know what you are doing, how you are doing it and why. Athletics is the perfect venue to practice mindfulness for mastery, leadership and spirituality in sports and life.

From mindful meditation, we were able to explore and absorb other finer points of Buddhism such as compassion, letting go of outcomes, happiness, being present, selfless teamwork, joy, right speech, preparation, cooperation, right action and other concepts on the Noble Eightfold Buddhist path. We learned to tame the “monkey mind” and compete more often in the “zone.” We, in fact, often becamethe game itself, aware of being one with the ball, the stick, the field and each other for a purpose bigger than any one of us.

This experience of bringing Buddha wisdom to sport and having the freedom to experiment with that was the beginning of my journey for many years to come, introducing these sacred, spiritual ways to unlock the competitive gate and inspire mastery in 115 championship teams. The goal was not ever to win these championships; the goal was to create safe, spiritually enlightened and aware environments where the athletes and coaches could maximize their opportunities to

approach living life up to their full competitive capacity. That said, there were many other non-championship teams who were successful in this regard. The mindful women of Maryland happened to have not just the spiritual talent but the necessary physical and mental talent as well as awesome coaching to enable them to go the distance each year.

I will say this, that after all these years, these women still keep in touch with me saying how these Buddha truths have helped them be successful in all of life. Gary, Cindy and I still work together with different schools. We use the same timeless indomitable Buddha precepts creating harmony of body, mind and spirit for physical enjoyment and personal growth and fulfillment as we help ourselves and others to master competition and the bigger game of life.

In a related but important note, while Cindy has been gone from the Maryland program, for the past 15 years, present head coach Cathy Reese, a student-athlete when I began my work there, has continued the winning ways as the Terps are perennial contenders for the National championship. I have to believe that some of that Buddhist stuff is still in the air on some level and it really works.

BEGINNING AGAIN

 BEGINNING AGAIN!!!  See also, all the posts that come before this. I'm just letting you know

what I'm doing right now. Sooooo, we I gooooo

I'm BACK!!! after writing 3 books in last 4 years, I have returned to my BLOG. I hope this helps to show you what I've learned and pass it on.  Here is an excerpt from my next book, Published by Mango Publishing and arriving next Spring and called...THE COMPETITIVE BUDDHA ... a book about the humanistic side of competing and coaching, that of connection, cooperation, compassion, collaboration and a more mindful way of mastering our craft. In it I work diligently to bring well-chosen and selective spiritual laws, principles and strategies of Buddhist thought into the world of sports. By doing this, I would hope that you will be able to heighten your joy and happiness while reducing the suffering in your life. Sport is one of the few activities in life that can help you to do this. As a life-long student of philosophy, psychology and athletics, I have learned that this is possible and I want to use this book to help you to experience a sea change in how you perform.

This book is about mastery, leadership and spirituality. Reading it, you will learn what you need to keep, what you need to discard, and what you need to add

to your mental, emotional and spiritual skill set as an athlete, coach, leader, parent, CEO or any other performer in life. You will not only learn about how Buddhism can help you to be better prepared for sports and life, but how sports and life can teach you about Buddhism. You will discover how people from all parts of the world have brought together the Buddha and athletics for greater fun, enjoyment and pleasure during their performances. I will demonstrate how certain timeless core Buddha values will inspire you to embrace and navigate the unchartered waters of mastery. I believe you will find the Buddha mind and the Kobe Bryant Mamba Mentality to be quite interesting and very useful.

When it comes to leadership and coaching, this book will teach you how the best of the best coaches today use the ancient methods for these modern times, especially when it comes to the concept of SERVANT LEADER. You will learn very specific strategies and techniques to implement this special way to guide and lead.

All of this is supplemented by inspiring Zen stories as well as an extensive NOTABLE BIBLIOGRAPHY to help you to become more informed beyond this book.

 Hope this stimulates some interest. I'll keep you posted...  Jerry

BUDDHA AND DA BULLS

 Here is a fun excerpt from my latest book, out in Spring of 2021, THE COMPETITIVE BUDDHA. It will give you some insight into the game within the game and how Phil Jackson designed a championship culture. Book will be published by MANGO PUBLISHERS...I'm terribly excited as this could be my best and perhaps favorite one I've written.

When you read the title of this section, you undoubtedly knew who this was going to be about. So did Rev. Noriaki Ito, head of Higashi Honganji Buddhist Temple in Little Tokyo, LA and an avid “hoop-head” from the time he was a little boy.

Indeed, I am referring to the “Zen Master,” one of head coach Phil Jackson’s affectionate nicknames, given to him by sports writers. What sets Phil apart from most sports coaches is his use of mindfulness and Buddhist wisdom to become one of the most innovative coaches in athletics. His competitive Buddhist ways have become his legendary trademark style. According to Ito, coach Jackson is “a truemartial arts master who realizes that the spiritual, mental and physical have to be integrated into one. I notice more of a focus on denying individual egos for the benefit of the team. In Buddhism, suppressing the ego is central to any kind of awakening.” Ito also credits Jackson with helping his athletes explore their inner space in order to know themselves better, their strengths and weaknesses and how important the process of the game is, as well as the outcome. Like all of my Buddha athletes the ultimate mission isn’t so much winning but how well the team competes, connects, cares and loves each other. Such self-awareness is a crucial aspect of Buddhist thought for mastery leadership and spirituality in sports and life.

From my relationship and friendship with Phil, I can say that his spiritual beliefs merge two disciplines. I would say with some confidence that he considers himself to be a Zen Christian, using each school of thought where appropriate. His Christian background is linked to being the son of fundamentalist Christian preachers. He believes in prayer and miracles.

I also know that he has been fond of the teachings of the Buddha and the Chinese Tao. While coaching, Phil would have a habit of handing out books to his athletes to help them address their personal and performance issues. It was always an honor for me when he would distribute some of my books to Michael Jordan, Steve Kerr, Kobe Bryant and others, giving them a broad spiritual perspective on the game and life.

But, as I recall, it was Shunryu Suzuki’s ZEN MIND, BEGINNER’S MIND that was his initial guide to the practice of Zen Buddhism. From there he was able to apply his learning from his heart to the court. His books, SACRED HOOPS and ELEVEN RINGS are emblematic of his growth as a teacher of Buddhist wisdom as applied to the game of basketball. For example, the patented triangle offense is very Buddha-like with its continual fluid, flowing, free patterns of movement. Using the virtue of selflessness, we can notice how with every championship he won as head coach, he managed to galvanize a team of athletes with a natural propensity to be self-absorbed. Loss and gain, for Jackson, were nothing more than life’s cycle of events. He chose what the Buddha called The Middle Path, a more balanced approach to better cope with the suffering of unpredictable outcomes. As a result, he could enjoy the sounds of many hands clapping in victory or learn from the sounds of silence of one hand clapping that accompany a defeat. And finally, compassion, a foundational cornerstone of Buddhist wisdom, was a virtue that Phil believed enabled the Buddha Bulls to sustain high levels of competitive mastery, their compassion for each team member as well as self-compassion.

Phil Jackson has won more championships than any coach in professional sports believing in his unconventional Buddha way, getting his players to trust each other, to connect and care for each other and devote themselves to something bigger than themselves and, perhaps, larger than the game of basketball. This is the competitive Buddha way that awakens mastery, leadership and spirituality within all of us.

DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY

 Here is a fun blog taken from my WIN THE DAY BOOK. I realize these re tough times and our response to them dictate the level of suffering we experience. Here are some ways that can change your world and suffer less. I use these very day and it makes a huge difference. 

What I notice about champion cultures and athletes is how often they seem happy. Of course it makes me wonder if they are happy because they are champions; or are they champions because they are happy. I think both are true but because happiness is a habit that is controlled by your daily actions, the mind-set of a champion, win the day athlete and team is one where their actions create their emotional state. It’s a CHOICE they make. It’s a characteristic of a champion mentality.They feel happy day to day, generally, and that helps them to be connected and carries over to their performance. Win or lose, they still tend to be happy. And when you are happy, don’t you usually perform your best? OK, you may not always perform your best when happy but to perform well you must be happy.

IMPLEMENTATION:

In champion team cultures that I’ve experienced, I actually coach the coaches and their athletes on how to find happiness. I encourage, inspire and empower them to be happy and by doing so, win the day. To accomplish this we commit to giving up or letting go of the following emotional vampires, habits that block our path to happiness. I invite you to GIVE UP:

1. Always having to be right. Ask yourself: would you rather be happy or right?

2. Trying to control everything. This reduces stress and creates a more relaxed state of being.

3. Blaming and pointing fingers at others. This creates unnecessary drama.

4. Negative self-talk. Negativity weakens your body and dampens your spirit.

5. Complaining or whining when life doesn’t go your way.

6. Expectations of others and self-pressure.

7. Excuses – be accountable, responsible, and vulnerable.

8. Limiting beliefs. Beliefs are limits that can be transcended when

   examined.

9. Fear of failure, our greatest teacher. Fear weakens you. it’s the greatest

   obstacle to performance.

10. Resisting change. Change is constant.

    These elements, when changed, will impact everything else during

your day in a positive way as you continue to control what you can to win the day. Imagine for a moment, how your life would be, how you’d perform if your culture were filled with others committed to letting go of the above top 10 road blocks to happiness. It’s a CHOICE! Make it part of your culture’s promises and keep each other accountable. Make posters and signs about each of these and display them throughout the athletic facility.

Happiness is healthy for all of us. It can cure illness and extend life and raise the level of performance. It relieves depression, anxiety and stress. It relaxes all of the body’s muscles, providing an overall sense of wellness. All of this directly contributes to a solid culture of high performance. Remember that you can create it at any time. Choose to look on the bright side of things and let go of those 10 emotional vampires above.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. 

Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk