Over the lifespan of my 35 year professional career in various aspects of sports, I can confidently say that thousands of athletes have felt deep resentment, anger, disappointment, dislike and disrespect for their coaches. My take about the cause of these stress producing and performance debilitating feelings is the serious lack of authenticity on the part of their coach, mentor, leader and guide. What they seem to desire is a coach who is first and foremost, a human being ( as opposed to a "human DOING"). They crave ( and I have been told this from the majority of these elite performers) a relationship with someone who cares( wouldn't you?). They want to be positively regarded,recognized, respected , relished and valued for their contribution to the system. In order for a coach to accomplish authenticity in the relationship, there must be love in his/her heart. No love, no coaching...it's that simple. The key is to give an athlete the attention they deserve. Look your athletes in the eye; truly listen to them; touch them on the shoulder or pat them on the back. Be present with what is happening right now, as if they are the only important people in your life. Just BE you...and let your imagined role slip away. Work at letting your presence be simple, comfortable, natural, modest, humble and unassuming.
I notice how so many who call themselves coaches, act superior, play a role and fear that if they are themselves, they will not be good enough or that somehow,they will lose control. ( read the blog on Insecure Leaders) So...they hide, pose, pretend, posture, and play the part and while in the process, lose authenticity and become unconscious in a "game without purpose". They fill their egos while emptying their souls. They sacrifice their potential positive influence.
What I have learned over the years is that when I am myself, being present, transparent and authentic, I have a subtle transformational effect on whomever I coach and lead. I am MOST powerful ( not power over others), most influential, most effective and most happy ( that is numero uno) when I am being completely myself. And the nice thing about that is: I am not superior to anyone, nor inferior . I just am!
Keep shining, JPL
One of the most disturbing sights for me is that of a “coach” yelling at an athlete for a mistake he or she may have made during the course of competition. Why do so many coaches feel that by yelling they are going to somehow inspire, and motivate that athlete to perform better? In my opinion, this attitude somewhat assumes that athletes begin each day uninspired, looking forward to making that one big mistake in front of everybody so they can be publicly humiliated by their coach, and suddenly inspired.
ReplyDeleteCan the fear of such embarrassment prevent further mistakes? I believe this is possible. As coaches, is that what we are really trying achieve? As coaches, do we simply want to prevent mistakes? In my opinion to coach in this manner is shortsighted, uninspiring, and misses a golden opportunity to connect with an athlete in there moment of vulnerability. In these moments coaches have an opportunity to create a bond that transcends sports, embraces human nature and inspires us to previously unimaginable success. Coaches have the opportunity to be authentic as Dr. Lynch suggests.
So why then do so many coaches in my experience subscribe to fear as a means of motivation? In my opinion the answer is simple, it is easy. It takes time, understanding, and genuine care for the well being of those you are fortunate enough to coach. While I do feel most coaches care for their athletes, I feel they just don’t have the patience or understanding about how to express that in a way that inspires. Yet, it is as easy as Dr. Lynch describes to us, just be you, be human, and be in the moment with your athletes. If coaches could be more process focused and less results focused they may find the, patience, and authenticity, to connect with their athletes in a way that will surely inspire.
Eric Keating