How often do we as coaches and leaders become frustrated, upset, annoyed, perturbed, confused, puzzled, disgusted, perplexed or completely baffled by our seemingly inability to perform our task of leading and coaching others. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have seen this happen. For example I was talking with a coach recently who was concerned about three of his very talented athletes who were not listening and following his program. He was completely frustrated that he could not motivate these kids to raise their level of commitment to "go the distance" and realize their full potential. He was taking it very personally and was beginning to see himself as a failure, one who is inept, incapable of doing what he was hired to do. Truth is, bus drivers can not transport another unless they get on the bus.( have you noticed how often busses have the name "coach" written on the side?...there is a reason for this). So it is as a leader and coach. The person must get on board with you( the bus) and be ready to travel to places they never dreamed possible. In Chinese there is a compelling expression that addresses this point: "when the student is READY, the teacher appears". Yes, and the teacher is usually there but without being ready, those followers are not aware of his/her presence.
Over the past 35 years of marinating my nervous system in the juices of leadership and coaching work , what I notice is that no one can motivate others to move forward. You can inspire and empower them but they must want to move forward and when they do, the motivation comes from within themselves. Change and growth is an extraordinary inner process and the work of a good leader is to be patient, persevere and persist on nurturing and supporting , guiding and directing others in an environment that is emotionally safe where failure and taking risks are necessary components of advancement, not excuses for setbacks. Your work as leader and coach is to add fuel to an already burning pilot light within your proteges. This is called INFLUENCE( Yes, in-flew whence when ready :-)). And, know that your influence is NEVER neutral. You are either fueling the fire or dousing the flames. As you read all of my posts on leadership and coaching, you begin to see a constant theme. When you create a safe environment, you accelerate the process of readiness for others to be led. From this safe ,sacred place, they will open their hearts to you and give you permission to enter. When you do, you will be able to do your best work. You will INSPIRE, EMPOWER AND INFLUENCE them to believe in themselves, to believe in you and to believe that they can be and do something other than ordinary.
If those you lead and coach are not moving forward, don't call 911... and don't try to motivate them...that is impossible to do. Instead, create a healthy relationship and environment that is emotionally safe( where failure is ok because it is our best teacher,guru,mentor), listen to them, offer your help and become the beacon that lights up the path. If they don't follow, keep trying, don't give up, don't ever give up AND do not take it personally. Everyone has a different learning curve. And don't disregard the possibility that following your path, what you think is best for everyone, may not be in their best interests. Don't internalize their choice. It's not about you...you're not a bad or inept coach. If you discover that they want out, if they want something different, are burned out , then simply ask if they want you to release them to follow their hearts and discover what excites and energizes them. In another sense, to do such,to release them on another path is to be a very good coach. They will love you forever. I never witnessed a bus driver get off the bus and pull,shove or coerce a pedestrian to get aboard. But recently, a driver asked me at the airport, "are you getting on? ". To which I replied, "no thank you, I am waiting for someone to pick me up". Coaching is not much different.Ask those you lead: do you still want me to coach you, to bring you along? Let me know when you are ready and maybe I will still be here.
More later, DocJ
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