SACRED CIRCLE

 Here is the secret symbol and signal of where my work begins when help build and sustain a sports culture...The Sacred Circle.

In the circle of life, we are all connected. It’s designed to create unity. We are all equal in the circle. We are all one, related. The power of the world always works in circles.”
Oglala Lakota Nation

Every one of my 115 championship cultures win the day by connecting in a circle. This gesture aligns them with our core values, our mission, our goals and our “WHY”...why we come together and play the game. It is a signal for everyone to connect and announces that we are ready to begin our work. It’s a signal to remind us that we are here for each other to win the day and begin the work we promised to complete.

The circle has been used also as a sacred symbol for thousands of years by various ancient cultures such as Celtic, Taoist, Buddhist and Native American tradition. For the American Indian, the circle is the symbol of Mother Earth in complete balance with no beginning and no end. They have referred to it as the “Sacred Hoop.” Chief Black Elk, Lakota warrior and visionary, reminds us how all the power of the world forms the shape of a circle. The Lakota nation gathered in circular formations because the circle was a symbol of connection and harmony in the universe.

I believe that this sacred symbol is perhaps more relevant and profound today than ever. For my work, it is emblematic of the connection, caring and core values of the cultures I help create with athletic teams. All of my teams use the CIRCLE as a reference point and reminder of who we are, what we do and most importantly why we do it. The significance of the circle is particularly germane to sports when you think about it. All balls are round; a home run is referred to as a round tripper – you round the bases; you play a round of golf placing the ball in a round circular hole; basketball is often called a game of hoops or round ball; you circle the bases in baseball; the circle appears in center court and on the midfield line; defenses and offenses mimic circular patterns. The examples are extensive.

I introduce my teams from the very beginning to the power of the circle and ask them to conduct their practices and games from that sacred space and go outward from there. When we assemble in the circle for the first time, I quickly remind them of its significance for our culture, what I want them to take from it and apply to our team’s journey. Here is what I

talk about with them and I encourage you to do the same when introducing this cultural iconic symbol to your team. Get the team into a closed circle and say:

•   As we stand in this circle notice how we stand together, side by side, unified as one, connected and cohesive.

•   Notice that the circle represents the universal, divine mystical journey with no ending.

•   The center of the circle is an empty space. Let it be a reminder of how we keep our minds empty, full of potential, ready to fill it with all that we need to know as we go forward open and receptive to new possibilities. In Japanese, this “negative space” is called Ma, reminding us to step back and see with a whole perspective. It is the concept of less is more.

•   The shape of the circle is the letter “O” which stands for our ONENESS of heart, oneness of soul, one mission, one goal. Feel connected with our hearts.

•   The shape allows us to see each other, eye to eye, the eyes being the windows to the soul, communicating non-verbally our readiness to serve one another and go to battle for something bigger than each other.

•   Notice how we are all equal...no one in front of you, no one in back, no one above you, no one below. We are equal yet diverse, whole and inclusive, connected and strong.

•   We are a protected boundary, not to be penetrated by the opponent or unwelcomed.

•   With your eyes closed, feel the energy and strength of our group. Remember your promises, to out and Win the Day.

  At first, you may have to read this to the group until memorized. Either way the power of the circle is felt by all. Every time the team enters the circle – before the start of practice, prior to a game, team locker room meetings, bonding and team building exercises, the athletes can feel such power. I always use the circle as the starting point of any team activity which signals...we are ready to begin.

REDISCOVERING OUR North Star

 Here is an excerpt for a recent book of mine called WIN THE DAY. It will give you a sense about

the content in case you wish to take the next step reading it. 

Rediscovering our North Star

My purpose in writing this book is to make a difference in the lives of coaches and athletes, to change the status quo of sports cultures and to offer an ethical, spiritual and emotional compass that can inspire, empower and guide others to believe that their lives can be something other than ordinary. It is a book about caring, core values and connection, of competing and coaching with love in athletics and life. As a philosophical base, I lean on the wisdom, teachings and values of a variety of cultures such as ancient Chinese and Buddhist thought, Native American tradition and Western psychology. For example, Taoist warriors understood that the power of their honorable core values (included in this book) was greater than the power of arms. This is what the Chinese call Wu Shi, or the Warrior spirit, which is about being totally alive to experience your potential for peak capacity using values they considered weapons of the heart. These core values - connection and caring are our non-negotiables. They are our North Star. According to President Barack Obama, “There are gonna be a set of core values that shouldn’t be up for debate. They should be our North Star.” Much in agreement with Obama is CEO of Apple Tim Cook: “Your core values matter. They are your North Star.”

Being a champion is more than simply winning on the scoreboard; it is about winning the bigger, deeper more meaningful lessons of life through the experience of athletics. Basically, coaches and athletes champion what I call a “win the day” attitude by executing the important little things they can control now. It is an attitude that asks and answers the question: what’s important now? Greg Mckeown, in his book, Essentialism, talks about how

WIN is an acronym that stands for “what’s important now?” – the “in the present” experience of the play at hand, rather than obsessing over future results or outcomes. You WIN by staying focused on how you’re competing now and thinking about your game plan, not the opponent’s, and concentrating on what I call the essential absolutes, all those items you can control...your North Star.

WIN THE DAY lays out the essential core values of championship sports cultures. This book is a way to care, connect and help unite others, embrace diversity, have each other’s backs, be selfless and work together for a common cause greater than any ideology or any one individual. It is a book to help build, cultivate and sustain a culture of champions who “win the day” by practicing specific core values that we all crave. It is about rediscovering our North Star or conscious compass in a chaotic world and infusing those values into our nervous systems in order to experience extraordinary performance and a sense of equanimity with right action and a more mindful way of competing and living. “Win the Day” means that coaches and athletes control what they can and let go of outcomes and results. It means to never give up regardless of the score, never be fearful of losing because it’s our greatest teacher, and never let your opponent defeat your spirit, your commitment to winning the day. It is about physical, emotional, spiritual and mental preparation and doing the little important things brilliantly in the present moment rather than the big things marginally in the future. It’s all about “what’s important now” (WIN) in order to win the day.

I combine the body of work I have created with 115 championship cultures in the hope of changing the world of sports as we know it, while inspiring more joy, happiness, fulfillment and success to anyone ready for a change in the status quo. I will make available to the reader practical, easy to implement tools, strategies, exercises and activities that I have successfully used with coaches and athletes in championship cultures for a more caring and connected environment.

For example, to implement the value of selflessness, I tell a story about a professional athlete who gave up his starting role because it was in the best interest of his team. Then I offer this exercise for all athletes to use: Every Monday, group text your team telling them what specifically you will do that will demonstrate a “giving attitude,” a selfless act of kindness. In this way, they take ownership and accept responsibility with a willingness to be held accountable. We discuss this together and make sure all are on the same page in order to win the day.

WHEN BEING DEMANDING

Here is something to ponder into the weekend:


When given the privilege and honor of being with struggling athletes,

I love to tell them I BELIEVE and have confidence in them .

THEN, I am very, very DEMANDING of them... relentlessly so.

And, I demonstrate PATIENCE and LOVE as I await their blossoming.

I see the alternative and it's OBSOLETE... ineffective at best. Not pretty!

Coaching is when I fight for the hearts of my athletes and have them

feel loved and valued and deeply connected to me, the team, the game and

ultimately to something much bigger than any of this.

Namaste'

LEADING WITH LOVE

 I was having a coaching session, coaching a coach. She told me that she didn't love a few of her athletes but the rest were great. I told her that while you don't have to like everyone, to be effective you must have love in your heart for all.

I mentioned to her that it is easy to love the good ones, those who show up, give their all, are respectful, selfless and demonstrate a strong work ethic. I told her it is easy to be holy in a church or other sacred place, right? But the other troubling athletes are where the challenge lies, where the real coaching begins, where the most gain can be made, where you really make a difference. And, that difference is made when we have love in our hearts for these kids.

John Wooden, iconic basketball coach years ago, told reporters that the reason for his success was that he had a lot of love in his coaching. All successful coaches do...Steve Kerr, Phil Jackson, Anson Dorrance, Lute Olson, Gregg  Popovich, Tara VanDevere, Bob Hansen, Cindy Timchal and others.

When you have challenging, difficult to love athletes in your life you do not have to like them. In fact,they will change their behaviors ONLY when they are loved, they will go the distance only when they are loved and they with be respectful and loyal only when they are loved. LOVE NOT THEIR BEHAVIORS but love who they are...human beings who may be confused, insecure, uncertain, fearful, and nervous. These feelings cause them to be reactive and uncooperative, not listen, sabotage your plans and be rebellious.

So what's there to love? Simple but not easy. Love their intentions. They want to do well, they want to "fit in", they want acceptance, and their intentions are pure. Love this about them. BUT their feet are pointed south and they have lost their North Star, their inner compass and it is our deepest work to let them know " we love you, we want you to be here and we want to help you get what you deserve so tell us what you really want and how I can help you get it".

Pull such an athlete aside and privately touch the arm or shoulder, look her in the eyes and express that as her coach you want her to succeed and if she doesn't want to that perhaps it is better that she isn't on this team. Tell her that while you don't like her behaviors, you love and believe in her and that you will go the distance with her but she must want it too. THAT'S IT!!!  It is in Chinese the TAO concept of WU WEI , of effortless effort,  of no forcing, no conjolling, no disrespecting, no shame, no blame. Just express what you observe, value her and let her decide if she wants help or not and let it go. She may NOT BE READY and that means you can not coach her. Not your fault.

Bottom line is this. I LOVE all my athletes for who they are NOT what they do. Then I present them with the above approach and know that when I do, I am being a coach with heart.

One last word on meaning of love as I use it: LOVE is not a commodity, something we dole out if we approve of someone or not... it's a CAPACITY...the capacity to CONNECT and CARE about another.

For more on this way, see my book "COACHING WITH HEART". If you like this, you'll love it.

ATHLETIC SERENITY PRAYER

Write this out, group text it to your friends and use it for your sports journey...Short Yet Sweet!!!

Grant me the serenity to accept my errors,mistakes, failures and losses,
Give me the courage to learn from these and change,
And afford me the wisdom to forgive myself, have self compassion, improve and go forward.

The price we all pay if we do not take this Yin-Yang path is to encounter harsh, rocky roads along the journey.

Sports is our perfect vehicle to help us cope with failure. After all, all that you've learned in life
has been the result of failure. I call this the "success of failure".

No posts for the next 7 days as I will be totally immersed in doing good work in Chicago.

CATCHING ATHLETES DOING RIGHT

In sports, coaches are whistle blowers. Many feel inadequate as if they are not doing their job unless they constantly blow the whistle catching an athlete doing something wrong and correcting it. Aside from continually breaking the "flow of play", the whistle is like reinforcing the athletes waiting for the hammer to drop as they focus on mistake, errors, setbacks which makes them tight ,tense and tentative resulting in the action for which the whistle is being blown. Emotionally, the athletes become disgruntled with the process of practice and develop fear of being caught doing something wrong.

What would happen if your culture was a culture of "catching them doing something right"? I remember a coach telling me that an athlete was not listening to the feedback after repeated whistles and the coach was getting upset and impatient with this kid. Motivation for improvement became nonexistent. I suggested to the coach that she could try blowing the whistle whenever she saw this athlete doing something really good, even if it took forever. That day, she tried my strategy. The next day she continued but did it several times. Not only did the athlete start to feel better, more involved and valued, the coach ,herself, began to enjoy practice once again. One week after the start of the new approach, it was the coach's birthday. When she entered the office that morning, there was a huge bouquet of roses on her desk with a note that said: "Hey coach, I just want to tell you how much I am loving Lacrosse again and appreciate your being positive with me. Makes me feel valued and important and motivated to work hard". Guess who sent flowers?

The whistle is an effective coaching and teaching tool. Just remember to stop practice when you see something right happening. This will increase your effectiveness as a coach and, at the same time, increase the enthusiasm of your athletes as they become motivated to listen to you and go the distance as well. It will get the athletes to focus on doing something right rather than fearing doing something wrong.

LEADING & COACHING,AUTHENTICALLY

The first time many years ago when I walked into a classroom to teach, I needed to wear my professional "mask". I felt I couldn't do my work without it. Standing behind a desk, covering up fears and inadequacies, advertising my credentials, afraid to make a mistake or look silly, wearing the impressive clothes were some of the ways I attempted to hide my insecurity and protect my role.

Now, many,many years later, with more experience and wisdom plus a boat load of achievements and credentials, I feel I can't do my work WITH the mask. Others see and feel the mask as a barrier to connection, caring and ultimately, a good relationship, so vital to making a difference in the lives of others. My goal has been to focus not on our differences but how we are alike.  I refuse to trade my humble heart and sense of humanity in for looking like an expert.

Every year I get closer to getting "mask-free" and emotionally "naked" on the never ending journey towards full authenticity. It takes courage and the willingness to take risks to "show up and be seen" in the words of researcher/author Brene Brown.  I continue to work at being unapologetically me. It's a frightening place to visit yet it is absolutely essential if I hope to remain sensitive, caring, respectful, authentic and genuine so as to truly make a difference in the lives of others. It requires me to lean into this fearful, scary place and that takes courage....BUT, I can tell you that when I have the presence of heart to do this, it is so worth it.

The result of being authentic is I gain the trust and respect of others and they, become loyal, secure, enthusiastic and committed to "going the distance" with me. This demands "outside-the-box" behavior, out on the edge, fearlessly fighting to win the hearts of my athletes.

Such authenticity means you must trust yourself...to be comfortable in your own skin....to see all of your work as a path of humanity and we all are humans just like those we lead and coach. Engage in conversation that unites not separates. For example, draw an athlete in by asking: "So, what is your go-to comfort food?". Everyone relates to that. Food is the universal connector. You'll be pleasantly surprised to see where this opening takes the conversation. And, in the process, we all act human. I remember The Dalai Lama once telling an audience that he was just like us all...same fears, concerns, troubles, desires. He was authentic and from that place, he could lead me and I would follow.

Whenever I am in a leadership role, I purposefully remind myself to "let it all go and just BE ME". That is all I need to do to continue to be effective in that role. That's how I can connect more deeply and more authentically.